It's funny when you walk through the halls as a freshman, and I walked out the door as a sophomore. Its an overwhelming feeling. You don't know quite how to feel. You're feeling a flood of emotions. Where did the year go? What didn't I get to do? Oh why didn't I do better? Why wasn't I good enough? All these questions seem to be running through your head and you don't know what to do. That's when you realize that its over. Your first year of highschool that you had been waiting for forever, is just gone. You realize you wasted the entire year being someone you weren't. You completely lost yourself. You're ashamed, and you don't know what to do. I was that person this year. I've done some pretty stupid things this year. I started cutting again. I was in so much pain. I lost control. I started pushing everyone I loved away. I realized that dwelling on my mistakes wasn't going to help anyone. So I started to fix myself. I just stopped. Maybe it's just me, but couldn't you believe? That everything I said and did wasn't just decieving and the tear in my eye, and you're cold, hard face. Makes me wish that I was never born into this place.. It was hard being that someone. All I ever did was try to make it work. Do you remember when you were a child? And you were so innocent? Well I implore you to not let that innocence go. I promise you, that you will not regret it. I regret letting that innocence go. I miss myself. I used to be a girl that was in tune with her emotions. A girl who did not think with her brain, but a girl who's only duty, was to her heart. I hate myself. For what I've become. I hate being who I've become. But then I look at myself and realize, if I hate who I am, then I'm not that person. I'm not that person because I hated that person. I had enough sense to see who I was. I've changed a lot since then.. I discovered that there is no secret to happiness. All along I was forever searching for something that didn't need to be found. Happiness, is a choice. And I chose to be happy. Learn to love the simple things.
Luxe
