Deep Awakenings

I feel sad. I am always alone. My parents always go together shopping. Never bringing me along. None of my friends ever seem to be home anymore or don't keep their promises to call. I am alone. I hardly ever do anything right and never seem to be able to live up to the expectations set up by my parents. Though it is almost always at a constant shine in California, I wish it would rain. When it is a nice clear blue sky day. I want the sky to be dreary and gray. I want to move to Washington. Not because of Twilight. I love the rain and the cold. I like to be left alone but I want someone to fight to be with me. I am not in love. I want to be. I used to be. Mixed feelings stir on days like this. I want someone to climb to my secret hideaway and just be with me. I want to escape to a faraway place. I want to sit on beach by myself and watch the tide roll in. I want someone to know when to hold me and when to take me away from it all. I guess I am what you call a lost soul looking for a home. No one could tell though. I put up a disguise as a spunky individual always ready to goof around and imagine. But really if you looked through my eyes you could see the brokenness of my heart. I want someone to walk into my life and pick up the pieces, but for now I am waiting for the hope. I guess you could call it feelings that I shared with no one till the built up so high I couldn't hold them in any longer and broke down. All I am is a broken down piece of work. I am just waiting for the mechanic to come fix me. But till then I will wait for the one meant to save me from myself. I want to know who I am. But the harder and harder I try to find her. The further away she slips from my grasp. I am starving for attention. But when I get it I want it to go away. But for now I am a window not yet a door.